Joe never thought he would meet a girl like Frederica at his workplace.
He spent an ample amount of money on clothes, haircuts and night clubbing to find the right girl with no success, so to find one at work in his overalls, well what do you know..
Unlike most of his construction work mates he was looking for a “good girl ” one that had family and a future in mind.
It happened in the spring when Frederica was heading to her secretarial job in the high-rise next to the large bank building he was working on as a laborer.
The crew had just finished the first floor of the building so that now they were just above street level.
With a view of the side walk below the wolves started their whistling and leering at the pretty and red faced Fredricka.
Half way in front of the building she started to cry which brought Joe to action, he tackled verbally and physically his co workers bringing momentarily a halt to their lewd suggestions.
Climbing down to street level he went to her and apologized for the hounds above and walked her to the entry of her building, suggesting she take the back street to her office until they get a few more stories up.
A few days later he took to work a change of good clothes and right after his shift he waited for her to finish work.
She hardly noticed him in his fancy clothes and he had to remind her of the episode the other day.
She resisted at first his offer to buy her a soda at the cafe down the street but agreed after he told her the trouble he went to with the change of cloths and all.
She was a beauty with a bit of a German accent, the residue from her first six years in the homeland.
He wanted to apologize again for the behavior of his crew and insisted that he was not that type at all.
During the next two month they saw a lot of each other and he fell madly in love.
She was a bit more stand-offish, for her German father was extremely strict about who she was seeing and she had stretched the truth a bit when she said he was working in a bank.
He had a plan that was a surefire way to win her heart.
On his job site there was a large empty above ground water container that was used when they were putting the foundation in for water collection.
He knew she worked Saturdays and that her office window over looked his job site.
He worked Monday to Friday and the cleanup crew only half a day on Saturday.
He would let himself in before the crew arrived Saturday and get everything in order for her surprise at 12:30 sharp.
He had bought a large commercial weather balloon, a five pound cylinder of helium and a plastic sign with the bold letters “Marry Me Frederica Joe”.
It took a bit of brain work to organize the affair what with the small diameter of the opening on top of the vessel.
He had to design a way to fill the balloon from the outside while he was on the inside, roll the plastic sign up so it would fit thought the opening, tie a string to the sign so that when it reached hundred feet in altitude it would undo itself and spring open with the joyful message.
With everything in place he phoned her Friday morning and said that on her lunch break at 12:30 she should look out her office window for a real surprise!
She had planned to have lunch with her parents that day but did not want to spoil his gift so she moved some timing issues around so she could accommodate both.
Everything was going like clockwork, all settled in his tank waiting for the liftoff.
A couple hours in with the summer sun this giant thermos bottle began to get hot, real hot.
About 11:00 am he heard a chain being throw over the top of the tank and what sounded like a truck moving along side.
He climbed up the little ladder he had brought with him and poked his head out.
Horror! They were starting to load his surprise onto a low bed truck.
He impulsively screamed STOP!
The foreman and two of his crew turned and stared at what at first they thought was a red faced homeless guy living inside their water tank.
Placing a ladder against the side of the tank the foreman climbed his way to the top.
What the blank are you doing in there you blankety blank idiot!
Joe was unsuccessfully trying to explain about the balloon and being in love where at this point the foreman knew he was dealing with a wing nut so he told him if he did not get his butt out of there now he was calling the cops.
Joe could see his best laid plans evaporating in front of his eyes.
He would have to go up to Fredericka’s office and ask for a rain check on the surprise.
Something was wrong though for when he went to climb out only his head would poke out of the hole.
The doctor figured what with the heat and the time Joe was sitting in that over grown sauna he most of swollen up pretty good.
Take your cloths off if you can’t get out screamed the foremen I got five men and two pieces of equipment sitting around costing me money, now hop to it.
He took every thing off but his underwear and still he was stuck.
Throw me some axle grease! yelled the foreman to his truck driver.
He handed it to a now terrified Joe.
He slathered himself from head to toe with the brown slime, making him look like a poorly barbecued sausage.
The foreman standing on the ladder could pull him part way through put when it came to his hips he did not have enough of a purchase on the slippery tank.
Get that crane over here! he yelled.
Joe could here the clank clank of the hundred and fifty foot crane sounding more and more like his executioner.
Hands up! barked the foreman.
Not being a total barbarian the foreman used fabric slings to attach the wrists of Joe to the business end of the crane.
He got his upper torso out not problem however when his hips were being pulled through it was a bit snug so his undies rolled off his midsection like gigantic white pretzel.
When he was almost out he started to flay about a good deal and the end of his under garment that was now firmly attached to his left foot caught the hook of the coat hanger and plastic sigh.
Its funny how timing is everything.
Just as Frederica was turning to look out her office window her parents walked in.
In a state of wonderment they watched this unfortunate human form slowly swing in front of them, and to there ultimate surprise watch a banner spring open below him asking for Fredericka’s hand in marriage.
The next day in the paper a short ad.
”Engagement ring half price”.
A Tapestry of Mumbles 